Thats right, I'm blogging in the presence of a female. I am sitting in the library desperately trying to sythesize a post from the murky depths of stuff I can steal from much funnier and better written websites and, at the same time, carry on a conversation on who Karl should take to prom with the "spicy chiquita" hogging my mouse space...
Okay she's. gone...
...now she's back
speaking of prom (Karl should totally take Claire McCarty) apparently the theme this year is "Masquerade/music of the night" or (for non-Andrew Lloyd Webber afficiandos) see-if-you-can-grind-in-a-cloak-and-mardi-gras-mask. I'm tempted to go, if only to see a bunch of musical addicts in opera attire "getting down" with "fiddy" to the backdrop of Belle's enchanted castle.
Speaking of B&B, rehearsals are well under way, and the events-pro class is hard at work assembling the thirty five to forty metric tons of set intended to distract our future audience from the crappier parts of the show. speaking of which, I walked by a band rehearsal yesterday. Has the pit started drilling yet, or is Mr. Snow just being his wonderful self? Apparently the pit is going to be backstage again this year. I realize this is a practical location, but I'm afraid the musicians won't get the recognition they deserve. This is why our theatrically challenged friends should sit exactly where a pit orchestra belongs: on the catwalk.
Karl is on Conserv-a-pedia (the only news source you can really trust... unless you have a brain) and has just informed me that Charles Darwin is Satan.
Speaking of which, I almost have my liscense (for driving) and within three or four short weeks I'll have that unlimited freedom you cannot truely feel until you have the ability to, at any moment during the day or night, whine abut the fact that you don't have a car.
I'm out of time for now, so peace out everyone
Stay tuned next time for: The road to the white house or: goobers on parade
Tuesday, January 8, 2008
Friday, January 4, 2008
Come On Down!
Welcome back! I hope everyone had a super Christmas/New Years. I have neither the time nor pent up anger to draft a witty, scathing, well planned post today, so I'm gonna take up some space with jokes.
Theatre terms
Eternity -
The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
Prop -
A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds before it is needed on stage
Director -
The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review
Blocking -
The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to
argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal -
A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night
Quality Theater -
Any show with which you were directly involved
Turkey -
Every show with which you were not directly involved
Dress Rehearsal -
Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.
Tech Week -
The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.
Set -
An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space
Monologue -
That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him
Dark Night -
The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can go home and get some well deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed one more rehearsal
Bit Part -
An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.
Green Room -
Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation
which can result in justifiable homicide
Dark Spot -
An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.
Hands -
Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets
Stage Manager -
Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea
Lighting Director -
Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong
Makeup Kit -
(1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops
(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow
The Forebrain -
The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and characterization; activated by hot lights
The Hindbrain -
The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.
Stage Crew -
Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic
Message Play -
Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audiencethink." Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce -
Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director -
Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a contract on.
Set Piece -
Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor
themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs
Strike -
The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer) -
People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way
Stage Right, Stage Left -
Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")
That's all for now. Have a good weekend, and a wonderful Bruty-and-the-Breest run-through
Theatre terms
Eternity -
The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line
Prop -
A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds before it is needed on stage
Director -
The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review
Blocking -
The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to
argue with you.
Blocking Rehearsal -
A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night
Quality Theater -
Any show with which you were directly involved
Turkey -
Every show with which you were not directly involved
Dress Rehearsal -
Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.
Tech Week -
The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.
Set -
An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space
Monologue -
That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him
Dark Night -
The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can go home and get some well deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed one more rehearsal
Bit Part -
An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.
Green Room -
Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation
which can result in justifiable homicide
Dark Spot -
An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.
Hands -
Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets
Stage Manager -
Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea
Lighting Director -
Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong
Makeup Kit -
(1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops
(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow
The Forebrain -
The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and characterization; activated by hot lights
The Hindbrain -
The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.
Stage Crew -
Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic
Message Play -
Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audiencethink." Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.
Bedroom Farce -
Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.
Assistant Director -
Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a contract on.
Set Piece -
Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor
themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs
Strike -
The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.
Actors (As defined by a set designer) -
People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way
Stage Right, Stage Left -
Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")
That's all for now. Have a good weekend, and a wonderful Bruty-and-the-Breest run-through
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