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The Internet is for Fail

For Tueting and Karl

Hope

For Those individuals who still believe the United States of America was, in some way, built upon a Christian doctrine:

Art. 11. As the Government of the United States of America is not, in any sense, founded on the Christian religion; as it has in itself no character of enmity against the laws, religion, or tranquillity, of Mussulmen; and, as the said States never entered into any war, or act of hostility against any Mahometan nation, it is declared by the parties, that no pretext arising from religious opinions, shall ever produce an interruption of the harmony existing between the two countries.

From: The Treaty of Peace and Friendship between the United States and the Bey and Subjects of Tripoli of Barbary, Article 11. This treaty, authored by American diplomat Joel Barlow in 1796, was sent to the floor of the Senate, June 7, 1797, where it was read aloud in its entirety and unanimously approved. John Adams, having seen the treaty, signed it and proudly proclaimed it to the Nation.

The Invisible Post

-Nurse: Doctor, there is an invisible man in your waiting room. Doctor: Tell him I can't see him now. Next!

-Rush Limbaugh and his chauffeur were out driving in the country and accidentally hit and killed a pig that had wandered out on a country road. Limbaugh told the chauffeur to drive up to the farm and apologize to the farmer.

They drove up to the farm, the chauffeur got out and knocked on the front door and was let in. He was in there for what seemed like hours. When the chauffeur came out, Limbaugh was confused about why his driver had been in there so long.

"Well, first the farmer shook my hand, then he offered me a beer, then his wife brought me some cookies, and his daughter showered me with kisses." explained the driver.

"What did you tell the farmer?" Limbaugh asked.

The chauffeur replied, "I told him I was Rush Limbaugh's driver and I'd just killed the pig."

Pro-Con
Progress-Congress
Digress-Blue Grass

Zach: don't worry

I did the ppt last night/have it with me today=s'all good

Procrastafarianism

Article Reprinted For Educational Purposes

DAYTON, TN—A steady stream of devoted evolutionists continued to gather in this small Tennessee town today to witness what many believe is an image of Charles Darwin—author of The Origin Of Species and founder of the modern evolutionary movement—made manifest on a concrete wall in downtown Dayton.

"I brought my baby to touch the wall, so that the power of Darwin can purify her genetic makeup of undesirable inherited traits," said Darlene Freiberg, one among a growing crowd assembled here to see the mysterious stain, which appeared last Monday on one side of the Rhea County Courthouse. The building was also the location of the famed "Scopes Monkey Trial" and is widely considered one of Darwinism's holiest sites. "Forgive me, O Charles, for ever doubting your Divine Evolution. After seeing this miracle of limestone pigmentation with my own eyes, my faith in empirical reasoning will never again be tested."

Added Freiberg, "Behold the power and glory of the scientific method!"

Since witnesses first reported the unexplained marking—which appears to resemble a 19th-century male figure with a high forehead and large beard—this normally quiet town has become a hotbed of biological zealotry. Thousands of pilgrims from as far away as Berkeley's paleoanthropology department have flocked to the site to lay wreaths of flowers, light devotional candles, read aloud from Darwin's works, and otherwise pay homage to the mysterious blue-green stain.

Capitalizing on the influx of empirical believers, street vendors have sprung up across Dayton, selling evolutionary relics and artwork to the thousands of pilgrims waiting to catch a glimpse of the image. Available for sale are everything from small wooden shards alleged to be fragments of the "One True Beagle"—the research vessel on which Darwin made his legendary voyage to the Galapagos Islands—to lecture notes purportedly touched by English evolutionist Alfred Russel Wallace.

"I have never felt closer to Darwin's ideas," said zoologist Fred Granger, who waited in line for 16 hours to view the stain. "May his name be praised and his theories on natural selection echo in all the halls of naturalistic observation forever."

Despite the enthusiasm the so-called "Darwin Smudge" has generated among the evolutionary faithful, disagreement remains as to its origin. Some believe the image is actually closer to the visage of Stephen Jay Gould, longtime columnist for Natural History magazine and originator of the theory of punctuated equilibrium, and is therefore proof of rapid cladogenesis. A smaller minority contend it is the face of Carl Sagan, and should be viewed as a warning to those nonbelievers who have not yet seen his hit PBS series Cosmos: A Personal Voyage.

Still others have attempted to discredit the miracle entirely, claiming that there are several alternate explanations for the appearance of the unexplained discoloration.

"It's a stain on a wall, and nothing more," said the Rev. Clement McCoy, a professor at Oral Roberts University and prominent opponent of evolutionary theory. "Anything else is the delusional fantasy of a fanatical evolutionist mindset that sees only what it wishes to see in the hopes of validating a baseless, illogical belief system. I only hope these heretics see the error of their ways before our Most Powerful God smites them all in His vengeance."

But those who have made the long journey to Dayton remain steadfast in their belief that natural selection—a process by which certain genes are favored over others less conducive to survival—is the one and only creator of life as we know it. This stain, they claim, is the proof they have been waiting for.

"To those who would deny that genetic drift is responsible for a branching evolutionary tree of increasing biodiversity amid changing ecosystems, we say, 'Look upon the face of Darwin!'" said Jeanette Cosgrove, who, along with members of her microbiology class, has maintained a candlelight vigil at the site for the past 72 hours.

"Over millions of successive generations, a specific subvariant of one species of slime mold adapted to this particular concrete wall, in order to one day form this stain, and thus make manifest this vision of Darwin's glorious countenance," Cosgrove said, overcome with emotion.

"It's a miracle," she added.

For You Future Scientists and Scientologists

The following question was asked at the University of Copenhagen in a physics exam:

“”Describe how to determine the height of a skyscraper with a barometer.”

One student replied:

“You tie a long piece of string to the neck of the barometer, then lower the barometer from the roof of the skyscraper to the ground. The length of the string plus the length of the barometer will equal the height of the building.”

This highly original answer so incensed the examiner that the student was failed immediately. He appealed on the grounds that his answer was indisputably correct, and the university appointed an independent arbiter to decide the case. The arbiter judged that the answer was indeed correct, but did not display any noticeable knowledge of physics. To resolve the problem it was decided to call the student in and allow him six minutes in which to provide a verbal answer which showed at least a minimal familiarity with the basic principles of physics. For five minutes the student sat in silence, forehead creased in thought. The arbiter reminded him that time was running out, to which the student replied that he had several extremely relevant answers, but couldn’t make up his mind which to use. On being advised to hurry up the student replied as follows:

“Firstly, you could take the barometer up to the roof of the skyscraper, drop it over the edge, and measure the time it takes to reach the ground. The height of the building can then be worked out from the formula H = 0.5g x t squared. But bad luck on the barometer.

“Or if the sun is shining you could measure the height of the barometer, then set it on end and measure the length of its shadow. Then you measure the length of the skyscraper’s shadow, and thereafter it is a simple matter of proportional arithmetic to work uut the height of the skyscraper.

“But if you wanted to be highly scientific about it, you could tie a short piece of string to the barometer and swing it like a pendulum, first at ground level and then on the roof of the skyscraper. The height is worked out by the difference in the gravitational restoring force T = 2 pi sqrroot (l/g).

“Or if the skyscraper has an outside emergency staircase, it would be easier to walk up it and mark off the height of the skyscraper in barometer lengths, then add them up.

“If you merely wanted to be boring and orthodox about it, of course, you could use the barometer to measure the air pressure on the roof of the skyscraper and on the ground, and convert the difference in millibars into feet to give the height of the building.

But since we are constantly being exhorted to exercise independence of mind and apply scientific methods, undoubtedly the best way would be to knock on the janitor’s door and say to him ‘If you would like a nice new barometer, I will give you this one if you tell me the height of this skyscraper’.”

The student was Nils Bohr, the first Dane to win the Nobel prize for Physics. “

Fox News: Journalism Inaction

AP Exams: Byah

Kudos to all my AP bretheren who (probably) rocked the APUSH exam on Friday. I gotta say the Vietnam DBQ was bangin' (there's a pun in there somewhere) and the multiple choice was (comment suspended for violation of article 22e-G11:a of the AP Exam Necronomicon, set down by the council of elders of high scholarship: Thou shalt not discuss the multiple choice section of the exam with anyone ever, under the pain of death by Larry White).
Prom on Saturday/Sunday was a blowout: I noticed quite a few people modeling "Hangover Couture" in the hallways this morning. After prom was a bit sedate but hey, I won free nachos.
We have four weeks left in the 07-08 year: If you don't have major senioritis right now you should consult a phychiatrist... or a mortician.

America’s Most Overrated President

Over the course of the last eight and a half months, my United States History teacher has attempted to force his flamingly libertarian worldview down the throats of his bright-eyed and bushy-tailed students. His overzealous machinations have proved somewhat effective in honing our somewhat underdeveloped rationale, however; his curriculum has been fraught from the get-go with efforts to defame and demonize some of the most beloved and influential characters in the history of this great country. For example: Thomas Jefferson, drafter of the Declaration of Independence, Founder of the University of Virginia, benefactor of the Library of Congress, and the brains behind the Louisiana Purchase and subsequent Lewis and Clarke expedition has come under attack by our supposedly arbitrary instructor on numerous occasions. The reason given for these defamations is Jefferson’s reduction of the navy in his term in office, and an apparent “zipper problem” when it came to one of his slaves. All previous affronts aside, our ersatz historian crossed the line of no return recently when he labeled John F. Kennedy the “second most overrated president in U.S. history (Jefferson being the first).” This declaration was followed by an insinuation that “catching a bullet in Dallas” was the only reason Kennedy achieved the popularity he did. Apart from casting absolute moral judgments on an era HE WAS NOT ALIVE TO SEE, I believe that my teacher has forgotten to evaluate the course one very important presidency in recent history. I am talking, of course, about America’s Most Overrated President: Ronald Reagan.

The Religious Right has hailed Reagan as some paragon of virtuous leadership and conservative government without ever abjectly examining the policies of said “fallen saint.” The following is a brief summary and examination of Reagan’s two terms as president of the United States (1980-1989).

Let’s Get This Party Started: Reagan was cast in a positive light in the first few months of his presidency by a series of events completely unrelated to anything he, personally, had done: 1) On inauguration day, 1980, Iran released 52 U.S. hostages thanks to months of intense bargaining by Reagan’s successor. 2) Two months after being sworn in, a lone gunman fired on the president in full view of the media, the would be assassin sent Reagan to the hospital, and his approval rating through the roof. One may be so bold as to say that catching a bullet was the best thing that could have happened to Reagan to cement his demigod status among the wealthy white males of this country.

Reaganomics: Supply-Side economics (christened “Reaganomics”) were imposed on the American people with the intention of stimulating investment by the upper class. Said intentions never came to fruition, instead the economy was worse off when Regan left the white house then it had been since World War I. Reaganomics largely consisted of the following:
- Expanded upper class wealth with a minimal trickle-down of invested capital.
- Tax cuts for upper income earners.
- Budget cuts in the area of $40 Billion from food stamps, Student loans, and public transportation.
- Dramatically increased military spending (hence escalating the Cold War).

Deregulation: Reagan reduced restrictions on many business-oriented policies in an attempt to “stimulate American business.” Deregulation reduced restrictions on the following:
-Mergers and takeovers by big corporations (laying the framework for the Enrons and WorldComs of the twenty first century).
- Environmental protection laws (part o the “let’s shaft the ecosystem” plan)
- Vehicle emissions (making An Inconvenient Truth possible)
- Automobile safety (Seatbelts are for wimps anyway)
- Opened up federal lands and waters for coal mining, oil drilling, and timber production (i.e. clear cutting, strip mining, oil rigging, and Butte, Montana)

1982: in Reagan’s second year as leader of the free world the U.S. economy hit the worst recession since the 1930s:
-Unemployment reached 11%
- The income gap between yuppies (young, urban professionals) and the middle ad lower classes widened.
- The status of the middle class stagnated, then declined, and continued to do so until Bill Clinton moved into the White House.

Justice League: Reagan appointed Sandra Day O’Connor, the first female justice in the position, to the Supreme Court. She, along with three other Reagan-appointed justices, restricted affirmative action laws (implemented to prevent racism/sexism in the workplace) and Roe vs. Wade (the pro-choice case).

1984: Reagan won a second term in office in ’84. Voter returns showed that 2/3 of white males voted for Reagan. As a matter of fact, the only two groups whose majority opposed Reagan were black people and poor people (those making less than $12,500 per year).

Spend Spend Spend: By the mid 1980s the Reagan administration:
-Reported deficits of over $200 Billion per year.
-Tripled the national debt from $90 Billion to around $2.7 Trillion
-Increased consumption of foreign-made goods and decreased investment via ineffective tax cuts.
- Ballooned the U.S. trade deficit to $150 Billion per year (for a grand total of $1 trillion trade imbalance in the 1980s).
-Increased foreign ownership of U.S. land.
-Broke up unions, reducing worker’s wages.
-Made the U.S. a debtor nation for the first time since 1917.

Foreign Debacles: During his eight years as president, Reagan:
-Repeatedly referred to the U.S.S.R. as the “Evil Empire” and “the focus of evil in the modern world” thus establishing a Star Wars analogy which would continue with…
-Star Wars: Reagan Spent billions on a program to outfit U.S. satellites with lasers to “shoot down enemy missiles as they entered the stratosphere.” The project was never completed, nor successfully tested.
-Expanded the military budget from $171 Billion in 1981 to over $300 Billion in 1985.
-Supported Nicaraguan “Contra” guerillas fighting an insurgency against the leftist Sandinista government (congress eventually passed the Boland Amendment to prohibit said aid).
-Spent $5 Billion in support of an El Salvadoran anti-leftist government who hired death squads to kill around 40,000 civilians (including United States missionaries).
-Secretly sold anti-tank and cruise missiles to Iran during the Iran/Iraq war and passed the profits on to the Contras in violation of the Boland Amendment. Reagan denied involvement when the media exposed the illicit arms dealing.

I conclude, based on this evidence, that Reagan was, without a doubt, the worst U.S. president of the twentieth century. He single handedly wrecked the economy, tainted the environment, widened the class gap in American society, and made a mess of our standing in world politics. Yet, based on his charisma and tax cutting policies, the pro-Reagan majority wanted to repeal the two-term amendment implemented after FDR’s thirty-some terms as commander in chief. Needless to say, this man was THE most overrated president in the history of the United States of America.

SCA Elections: Like a real Elections sans debates/interns/endorsements from Chuck Norris

Here's a breakdown of the candidates:


President:

Scotty "The Hottie" Brevard: pro-sports, pro-fun, proposes school-wide movie nights (The Notebook being the obvious choice for screening), wants to focus on fundraisers; toys for tots, blankets for babies, nothin' but nets, the let's-send-the-Sudanese-to-Rwanda fund, etc.

Jackie "Is She Still Running?" Fitch: Platform=whatever Scott says, and then some. quote "Whenever we (HHS) do something, we tend to do it very well." (Insert Oxycontin joke here).

Liz "In Case You Haven't Figured Out Already, I'm A Runner" Klemt: stated agenda; lead the student bod with a positive and progressive mindset, hidden agenda; mandatory full year P.E. courses, using Eugenics to breed super athletes capable of outrunning Amherst's football team.


Veep:

Emma "But... I Thought Europe Was A Country" DiNapoli: Not afraid to tackle the important issues, like bringing Powder Puff Football to HHS (Another Good Place for an Oxycontin joke).

KT "Too Cool For Vowels" Surratt: Another Powder Puffer, wants to design Red Sea-esque shirts for drama/choir/band; I'm thinking something to the effect of "We do it 'cause we're blue, we're the STAGE STREAKS!" or "Sure I'm A Streaker"

John "Gotch-Yer Nose" Wilson: His idea of a good time; SCA officer hide and seek, 'nough said.


Secretary:

Jenn "So Nice It's Painful" Downey: Suggests a suggestion box. Supports all school activities (yes there are a few besides football/track)

Elizabeth "I'm Fairly Gangster Myself" Johnson: proposes painting spirit rocks/ benches around the school to add character, ran out of blow-pops before I could get one.


Treasurer:

Lauren "Change Is Good" Hill: See Liz Klemt

Justin "Let Me Handle Your Gold" Goldberger: He's Jewish and he's awesome.


Reporter:

Wendy "The Stone Cold Killer" Miller: She's anti-peer pressure, or... at least that's what everyone says she should be...

Weston "Blowjob" Reynolds: Shoutout to the only candidate to actually create concise a platform. According to his pamphlet, he plans to; 1) Establish a legislative council of club officers/team captains, etc., 2) Allow clubs to apply for grants to fund school-related events, 3) Revamp Homecoming, and 4) Reduce/eliminate "Excused" absence/tardy requirements for Rennaissance cards (the idea for which came from this blog).


High Inquisitor (Write-In Office):

Jake "Jetz" Wetzel: If you're as bored as I am with the state of the SCA, (i.e. they don't actually do anything) why not show your anger at the man by modifying your ballot to include me as the enigmatic sixth officer of your student government! Seriously; do it and I'll give you candy).

Get Churched

Wait For It

The Sin Wagon

I'd like to say "Hullo" to anyone visiting my blog from a foreign nation (as in: not the U. S. of A). Thank you for your interest in whatever you happened to google that linked you to my humble inter-journal. Please leave me a comment or something and I'll write you a post about how stupid my country is.

KEIRA KNIGHTLEY

I just expanded my readership by about 4,000%

WEAPONS GRADE PLUTONIUM

5,000%

MGA: The closest high schoolers can get to actual federal embezzlement

Bone: an explanation.

So this guy named Kerem is running for MGA officer for next year. He gives the standard painfully awkward "I know you'll vote for the funniest candidate so I'm gonna be zealously immature for the next seven minutes" speech with one notable deviation from the norm. At one point Kerem (pronounced "Creamy") takes a moment to "thank my street team, who were out there spreading the word, talking to other schools, offering people bones in the elevators..." Had he not demonstrated said bone with the motion of the standard knuckle bump, Kerem might have won the election right there (he did indee win because his competition actually tried to make themselves sound like a competent, qualified individual.
As a result, the official phrase requesting a knuckle bump is now "Bone me" use it at your own risk.

p.s. HOMO ERECTUS

Interlochen: Byah!

Six weeks of love, hate, and music: I can't wait!

Rolling Stones Tour 2009: The Antiques Roadshow

Welcome back Hawaii/Florida/London people, hope everyone had a good break.

So: Dungeons and Dragons has gone digital. As of May 8, '08 D&D's fourth edition will be officially released, and the doom of modern RPGs will be complete. The Fourth edition of the classic fantasy romp will be focused less on realism and more on "fluid gaming" (i.e. dumbing down rules so casual gamers wont get confused). Said edition will also feature online content. That's right, now your very own Mac or PC will make your dungeons for you, build adventues from modular components, and even keep track of your character as you're playing. The subscription based website devoted to sucking the humanity out of your fantasy experience will even allow parties to play online. This development begs the question: why not just buy Oblivion and circumvent the human element altogether? (at least the graphics are bad enough in said online play that you feel like your playing an actual tabletop game so there's no competition to be had with World o' Warcraft).

Memo: If you, or anyone you know, has any manifestation of talent (be it musical aptitude, sword swallowing, whatever). run, don't walk, down to Mr. Swartz's room (unless you're at home, then you'll have to drive part of the way) and sign up for the Drama Club's second annual HHS Variety Show. We are in desperate need of acts to come perform so please, bust out the juggling pins and sign up. Audtions are Thursday, the 3rd. If you miss the deadline for any reason, talk to a drama club representative: chances are we'll let you perform anyway, we just need content! (p.s. Zach and I will probably need a drummer and/or bass player for our co-op piece, talk to me or comment here if you're intrested or know someone who is/might be). That's enough groveling for one day, so on to:

Question of the day: why do we invent machines that do our hard work for us, then spend all our time in health clubs building our muscles?

If you haven't already, check out a band called "Big Coffin Hunters" on iTunes. They are Vermonti college-metal with a killer single ("Going Out Like Hemingway")

Here's a true story:
Muhammad Ali was flying cross-country on a commercial airliner. Just before takeoff, a stewardess walked by Ali's seat and asked him to please fasten his seatbelt. Ali said,
"Superman don't need no seatbelt"
to which the stewardess replied
"Superman don't need no airplane either."

Hawaii: I Hope It Rains Every Day

Just kidding...
...kinda

Owing to the fact that everyone who reads this blog will be off doing wonderfully exciting things over break I'm not going to post for the next week. Expect another post in 2-4 days when my resolve cracks.

Word of the Day: Galericulate

Galericulate (noun): a word completely unusable in normal conversation apart from the phrase "I got your galericulate right here!"

Drummers

I was greatly disturbed by Sandy's comment partaining to drummers on Karl's blog. To paraphrase: "I think drummers are steamy... ...though not steamier than Desmond Tutu," While I wholeheartedly agree that Desmond is a hottie, I have to say the impression of drummers as "steamy" is a bit of a crime against nature. Lemme s'plain:


Dave Grohl, Drummer for Nirvana


Kieth Moon, Drummer for The Who


Lars Ulrich, Drummer for Metallica

Marky Ramone, Drummer for The Ramones


Dave Lombardo, Drummer for Slayer

And Last, but certainly not least:

Joey Jordison, Drummer for Slipknot

In conclusion: though drummers may be the rythmic soul of the band, they certainly are not the eye candy of said groups. So there Sandy, I finally gave you a post of your own.


Kita, Drummer For Lordi

Je Suis L'Etat

I would like to take this opportunity to formally announce my candidacy for the office of president of the SCA for the upcoming 2008-2009 school year. In addition to signing my petition for said office (do it before March 14th or I'm gonna pull a Giuliani) I would appreciate your support and advice in the months to come... ...and, if you give me twenty bucks, I'll name something in the school after you (i.e. the Russ Brooker Commemorative Spit Valve, the Mark Tueting Memorial Big Gulp, etc.)

In addition to oozing charisma, I intend to do the following in my term as class president

-Change the title of "President" to "High Inquisitor"

-Hold a dance to honor those forefathers of Democracy, the ancient Greeks (i.e. TOGA PARTY!)

-Give Mr. Swartz a raise

-Start a parkour team

-Establish a Model UN club

-Propose Flower Power as a homecoming theme (That's the 60's brand of flower power, not the girlie kind)

-Eliminate the "excused absence" maximum on the requirements for being a "renaissane kid"

-Book some decent acts to play the Renaissance Rallies (i.e. bands, martial artists, stuntmen, etc.)

-Hold all SCA meetings at The Little Grill

-Make Gaelic a foreign language elective

-Make German a foreign language elective

-Establish a permanent student directed musical to be performed during the spring

-Establish an official school mascot

-Bring Film Studies back as an elective

-Make all of your wildest dreams come true

In closing: Vote for me or bad things will happen

Viva La Revolucion!

Heritage, Not Hate

At least blogs aren't as ego-centric as Facebook... right?

dialogue recorded at approx: 8:45

S: Why does Snoop Dogg need an umbrella?
Fo' drizzle...

J: Sandy really needs to stop putting jokes in my posts

S: Knock Knock!
Who's there?
You know.
You know who?
Aveda kadevra!

J: I wash my hands of this post.

Love Shack: The Mussolini Story

For your consideration:

Dad always thought laughter was the best medicine, which I guess is why
several of us died of tuberculosis.

It takes a big man to cry, but it takes a bigger man to laugh at that man.

I bet the main reason the police keep people away from a plane crash is
they don't want anybody walking in and lying down in the crash stuff,
then, when somebody comes up, act like they just woke up and go, "What
was THAT?!"

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

If you were a poor Indian with no weapons, and a bunch of conquistadors
came up to you and asked where the gold was, I don't think it would be a
good idea to say, "I swallowed it. So sue me."


If you define cowardice as running away at the first sign of danger,
screaming and tripping and begging for mercy, then yes, Mr. Brave man, I
guess I'm a coward.

I bet one legend that keeps recurring throughout history, in every
culture, is the story of Popeye.

What is it that makes a complete stranger dive into an icy river to save
a solid gold baby? Maybe we'll never know.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've
wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went
to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been
painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make
a child look like a deer.

If you're a horse, and someone gets on you, and falls off, and then gets
right back on you, I think you should buck him off right away.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe
you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey,
free dummy.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is
"God is crying." And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to
tell him is "Probably because of something you did."

I wish a robot would get elected president. That way, when he came to
town, we could all take a shot at him and not feel too bad.

As the evening sky faded from a salmon color to a sort of flint gray, I
thought back to the salmon I caught that morning, and how gray he was,
and how I named him Flint.

If you're a young Mafia gangster out on your first date, I bet it's real
embarrassing if someone tries to kill you.


A man with one watch knows what time it is; a man with two watches is never quite sure. ~Lee Segall

Believe those who are seeking the truth. Doubt those who find it. ~Andre Gide

If a man who cannot count finds a four-leaf clover, is he lucky? ~Stanislaw J. Lec

A gun gives you the body, not the bird. ~Henry David Thoreau

Before enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. After enlightenment - chop wood, carry water. ~Zen Buddhist Proverb

Admiration and familiarity are strangers. ~George Sand

Do not seek to follow in the footsteps of the wise. Seek what they sought. ~Matsuo Basho

All I can do is be me, whoever that is. -Bob Dylan

I'll let you be in my dreams if I can be in yours. -Bob Dylan

Money doesn't talk, it swears. -Bob Dylan

As usual, there is a great woman behind every idiot. -John Lennon

Life is what happens while you are busy making other plans. -John Lennon

Time you enjoy wasting, was not wasted. -John Lennon

I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together -John Lennon

A revolution is an idea which has found its bayonets -Napoleon Bonaparte

Ambition is like love, impatient both of delays and rivals. -Buddha

You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. -Buddha

Here's a fun link:
http://quizfarm.com/

Only Nine Months Until Musical Auditions!

Open forum: which show should we do next year? (Bear in mind there is a slight possibility of taking said show to Scotland!)

Matt: you're in serious danger of becoming the avatar of emo

First off: thank you for your comments. They’re much appreciated and they temporarily fill the soul-crushing void that is life after the musical…
…Okay, so it’s not that bad, but I’m at a loss as to what to do with myself after school nowadays (This is probably how Mr. Tueting feels right after harvest time… or not).
Speaking of free time and such: Ben, we need to jam bro. Let me know what day(s) work(s) for you (I am free on most weekends).
Just watched “Across the Universe” for the first time (tttrrriiipppyyy!!!) and I am not ashamed to say that I bawled all the way through “Let It Be” (I cried a little during the “Mr. Kite” sequence too but for other reasons). What we really need is a stage adaptation of said musical experience to perform next year (and possibly take to Scotland). However, knowing our theatre department, there is very little chance of any classic rock worming its way into an HHS dramatic production (which is really too bad ‘cause I have the perfect range for “Tommy”).
Alright… I think I’m out of liquid genius for today, so I’m going to go learn some British lite-rock-folk-jam-first-thing-I-can-pick-up-from-the-Juno-soundtrack-tunes and cry myself to sleep.
Have a great weekend everyone!

I'm Back!

Thank you to all my faithful readers (meaning Karl and myself... maybe Matt) Who haven't completely abandoned my humble url (okay... just me) but have continued to check for new material/polls in the past month.
It would take hours to rehash all of January in a cynical light, so I won't.

B&B opens TONIGHT! and I wish everyone a spectacular show (except for Weston... just kidding... kinda).

Peace out 'till next time.

Sitting Beside Sandy

Thats right, I'm blogging in the presence of a female. I am sitting in the library desperately trying to sythesize a post from the murky depths of stuff I can steal from much funnier and better written websites and, at the same time, carry on a conversation on who Karl should take to prom with the "spicy chiquita" hogging my mouse space...
Okay she's. gone...
...now she's back
speaking of prom (Karl should totally take Claire McCarty) apparently the theme this year is "Masquerade/music of the night" or (for non-Andrew Lloyd Webber afficiandos) see-if-you-can-grind-in-a-cloak-and-mardi-gras-mask. I'm tempted to go, if only to see a bunch of musical addicts in opera attire "getting down" with "fiddy" to the backdrop of Belle's enchanted castle.

Speaking of B&B, rehearsals are well under way, and the events-pro class is hard at work assembling the thirty five to forty metric tons of set intended to distract our future audience from the crappier parts of the show. speaking of which, I walked by a band rehearsal yesterday. Has the pit started drilling yet, or is Mr. Snow just being his wonderful self? Apparently the pit is going to be backstage again this year. I realize this is a practical location, but I'm afraid the musicians won't get the recognition they deserve. This is why our theatrically challenged friends should sit exactly where a pit orchestra belongs: on the catwalk.

Karl is on Conserv-a-pedia (the only news source you can really trust... unless you have a brain) and has just informed me that Charles Darwin is Satan.

Speaking of which, I almost have my liscense (for driving) and within three or four short weeks I'll have that unlimited freedom you cannot truely feel until you have the ability to, at any moment during the day or night, whine abut the fact that you don't have a car.

I'm out of time for now, so peace out everyone

Stay tuned next time for: The road to the white house or: goobers on parade

Come On Down!

Welcome back! I hope everyone had a super Christmas/New Years. I have neither the time nor pent up anger to draft a witty, scathing, well planned post today, so I'm gonna take up some space with jokes.

Theatre terms

Eternity -
The time that passes between a dropped cue and the next line

Prop -
A hand-carried object small enough to be lost by an actor 30 seconds before it is needed on stage

Director -
The individual who suffers from the delusion that he or she is responsible for every moment of brilliance cited by the critic in the local review

Blocking -
The art of moving actors on the stage in such a manner as not to collide with the walls, the furniture, the orchestra pit or each other. Similar to playing chess, except that the pawns want to
argue with you.

Blocking Rehearsal -
A rehearsal taking place early in the production schedule where actors frantically write down movements which will be nowhere in evidence by opening night

Quality Theater -
Any show with which you were directly involved

Turkey -
Every show with which you were not directly involved

Dress Rehearsal -
Rehearsal that becomes a whole new ball game as actors attempt to maneuver among the 49 objects that the set designer added at 7:30 that evening.

Tech Week -
The last week of rehearsal when everything that was supposed to be done weeks before finally comes together at the last minute; reaches its grand climax on dress rehearsal night when costumes rip, a dimmer pack catches fire and the director has a nervous breakdown. Also known as "hell" week.

Set -
An obstacle course which, throughout the rehearsal period, defies the laws of physics by growing smaller week by week while continuing to occupy the same amount of space

Monologue -
That bright, shining moment when all eyes are focused on a single actor who is desperately aware that if he forgets a line, no one can save him

Dark Night -
The night before opening when no rehearsal is scheduled so the actors and crew can go home and get some well deserved rest, and instead spend the night staring sleeplessly at the ceiling because they're sure they needed one more rehearsal

Bit Part -
An opportunity for the actor with the smallest role to count everybody else's lines and mention repeatedly that he or she has the smallest part in the show.

Green Room -
Room shared by nervous actors waiting to go on stage and the precocious children whose actor parents couldn't get a baby-sitter that night, a situation
which can result in justifiable homicide

Dark Spot -
An area of the stage which the lighting designer has inexplicably forgotten to light, and which has a magnetic attraction for the first-time actor. A dark spot is never evident before opening night.

Hands -
Appendages at the end of the arms used for manipulating one's environment, except on a stage, where they grow six times their normal size and either dangle uselessly, fidget nervously, or try to hide in your pockets

Stage Manager -
Individual responsible for overseeing the crew, supervising the set changes, baby-sitting the actors and putting the director in a hammerlock to keep him from killing the actor who just decided to turn his walk-on part into a major role by doing magic tricks while he serves the tea

Lighting Director -
Individual who, from the only vantage point offering a full view of the stage, gives the stage manager a heart attack by announcing a play-by-play of everything that's going wrong

Makeup Kit -
(1) Among experienced community theater actors, a battered tackle box loaded with at least 10 shades of greasepaint in various stages of desiccation, tubes of lipstick and blush, assorted pencils, bobby pins, braids of crepe hair, liquid latex, old programs, jewelry, break-a-leg greeting cards from past shows, brushes and a handful of half-melted cough drops
(2) For first-time male actors, a helpless look and anything they can borrow

The Forebrain -
The part of an actors brain which contains lines, blocking and characterization; activated by hot lights

The Hindbrain -
The part of an actors brain that keeps up a running subtext in the background, while the forebrain is trying to act. The hindbrain supplies a constant stream of unwanted information. Such as who is sitting in the second row tonight, a notation to seriously maim the crew member who thought it would be funny to put real Tabasco sauce in the fake Bloody Marys, or the fact that you need to do laundry on Sunday.

Stage Crew -
Group of individuals who spend their evenings coping with 50-minute stretches of total boredom interspersed with 30-second bursts of mindless panic

Message Play -
Any play which its director describes as "worthwhile," "a challenge to actors and audience alike," or "designed to make the audiencethink." Critics will be impressed both by the daring material and the roomy accommodations, since they're likely to have the house all to themselves.

Bedroom Farce -
Any play which requires various states of undress on stage and whose set sports a lot of doors. The lukewarm reviews, all of which feature the phrase "typical community theater fare" in the opening paragraph, are followed paradoxically by a frantic attempt to schedule more performances to accommodate the overflow crowds.

Assistant Director -
Individual willing to undertake special projects that nobody else would take on a bet, such as working one-on one with the brain-dead actor whom the rest of the cast has threatened to take out a contract on.

Set Piece -
Any large piece of furniture which actors will resolutely use as a safety shield between themselves and the audience, in an apparent attempt to both anchor
themselves to the floor, thereby avoiding floating off into space, and to keep the audience from seeing that they actually have legs

Strike -
The time immediately following the last performance while all cast and crew members are required to stay and dismantle (or watch the two people who own Makita screw drivers) dismantle the set.

Actors (As defined by a set designer) -
People who stand between the audience and the set designer's art, blocking the view. That's also the origin of the word "blocking," by the way

Stage Right, Stage Left -
Two simple directions actors pretend not to understand in order to drive directors crazy. ("No, no, your OTHER stage right!")

That's all for now. Have a good weekend, and a wonderful Bruty-and-the-Breest run-through