Thanks to everyone who came out to the holiday concert last night. I always look forward to that magical time of year when we get all the choirs together to go up on stage and, in a wonderful and sincere display of holiday spirit, make complete idiots out of ourselves in front of about 150 parents and alumni. Speaking of Christmas, where is the love man? what happened to the "happiest season of all" and all that junk. Anyway, The front page of the DNR today heralded an article detailing a school board ruling enacted last night that intends to ban (among other materials) toy guns, matches, lighters, and explosives on school grounds. I realize this comes as a blow to all of you who routinely bring explosive material to school. I'm very sorry for your loss. In all seriousness, this is bad news for the drama department. It's going to be a lot harder to convince Dr. Ford to let Gaston carry a blunderbuss on stage with this new bit of legislation. Oh well, we can always just give our uber-hunter a bow and arrow, or (wicked idea) a boomerang.
I recently received a comment advising me to watch it with the french horn jokes, so I'd like to take this opportunity to soundly bash a few other instruments as well:
How do you get two piccolos to play in unison?
Shoot one.
Why is a bassoon better than an oboe?
The bassoon burns longer.
What is the definition of a half step?
Two oboes playing on unison.
What do you call a clarinetist with half a brain?
Gifted.
What's the difference between a saxophone and a lawn mower?
The grip's a little different.
What's the difference between a trumpet player and a government bond?
Government bonds eventually mature and earn money.
What is a gentleman?
Somebody who knows how to play the trombone, but doesn't.
What do you get when you cross a French Horn player and a goalpost?
A goalpost that can't march.
(oops, that one just slipped in)
Why are orchestra intermissions limited to 20 minutes?
So you don't have to retrain the drummers.
What did the drummer get on his IQ test?
Drool.
How do you get a drummer to play an accelerando?
Ask him to play in 4/4 at a steady 120 bpm.
Did you hear about the time the bass player locked his keys in the car?
It took two hours to get the drummer out.
And now for the important instruments:
What did the guitarist do when his teacher told him to turn his amplifier on?
He caressed it softly and told it that he loved it.
How do you get a guitar player to play softer?
Give him some sheet music.
And finally:
Minimum safe distances between street musicians and the public:
Violinist: 25 feet
Bad Violinist: 50 feet
Tone Deaf Guitar Player who knows 3 chords: 75 feet
15 year-old Electric Guitar Player with Nirvana fixation: 100 feet
Accordionist: About 6 miles
I'm running out of jokes. So, until next time: Shalom Y'all
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4 comments:
Wannabe band geek....
P.S it's spelled Pom-pons.
Yeah only a former Dance Team nerd would know that.
As has already been noted: I DON'T CARE HOW IT'S SPELLED!
What's the definition of "nerd?"
Someone who owns their own alto clarinet
if I owned one, all would be well.
^_^ didn't know you had a blog.
How many drummers does it take to change a lightbulb?
"Why? Oh, wow! Is it like dark, man?"
Only one, but he'll break ten bulbs before figuring out that they can't just be pushed in.
Two: one to hold the bulb, and one to turn his throne (but only after they figure out that you have to turn the bulb).
Twenty. One to hold the bulb, and nineteen to drink until the room spins.
None. They have a machine to do that.
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